Watching a loved one with dementia can be incredibly difficult, especially if you are the caregiver. As the disease progresses, there are more challenges that can raise concerns, fear, and worry.
A daughter took her dad on a trip to Italy and wrote about it in a New York Times article called “Racing to Retake a Beloved Trip, Before Dementia Takes Everything.” In the days before their journey, her dad struggled with tasks like packing and she began to worry that the trip would be too difficult, like traveling with a toddler.
Despite her fears, the trip surprised them. Traveling to Italy and revisiting childhood vacation spots reignited her father’s memory. While listening to The Beatles, her dad was able to recall memories of his youth. Walking through Italy helped remind him of his parents.
She said, “what I grieved most with his diagnoses was the sense that I was losing my existential protector, the only person who witnessed the worst parts of me and somehow saw the best. But that was intact. I was lucky. In the most fundamental sense, he is still my dad.”
What I liked about this story was how the daughter treated her dad with dignity. The person we love is still there despite their condition. While their trip was positive, visiting a loved one’s hometown or favorite place does not always trigger memories.
My friend Diane cared for her mom, who had Alzheimer’s. They travelled to Germany, where they had grown up. Diane said traveling with her mom was hard because her mom didn’t remember any of the places from her childhood, or even the trip itself. Still, my friend was glad they went, knowing it would be their last trip together.
Caregivers undertake incredible responsibilities. It is hard. At times, it might feel as if your actions go unappreciated, but I believe that somewhere deep down, love and respect are still shared, no matter how difficult the situation may become. Remember, you are making a profound difference. Cherish the moments, seek support when you need it, and continue showing up with love. Your care truly matters.